WHY DIDN’T I SUCCEED IN KILLING MYSELF DUE TO ALL THE MISERY THAT I DO SEE AT WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY, A DAY IN MY LIFE AS A SOCIAL WORKER…AND IN MEMORIAM…AMANDA TODD, LATEST VICTIM OF BULLYING – HER SIMILIRATIES WITH MY VERY OWN 14 YEARS (SO FAR ANYWAY!) OF PERSONAL BULLYING…

As a social worker for many years, I do see  EXTREME MISERY every single day, and this – even when I am not on day nor night “patrols” where I then have to rumble the streets of my town with a co-worker (always with one of my male co-workers, it is much more secure to be doing this particular  kind of job with a man, believe me, espevcially at night (but then again, any city’s “tough spots” are VERY DANGEROUS, even in the daytime!).
Even when I  do stay and remain  inside the community center where I do help out  all day, various kinds of people are being brought in either by medics, the police, etc…
There, I have and do bring assistance to them, just like most of the men and women – all social workers – that do work there with me…
We have to be shrinks too for them, listening to these people as long as it will take for them to feel better and safer,  these who are brought in, crying with them, holding them in our arms (some of them really do NOT smell good AT ALL, believe me, from being there on the streets all day, sometimes for WEEKS without having any shelter to even spend the night, and this, even in our very cold southern Quebec winter days…
Still, any social worker like I am DOES  have to LEARN  how to NOT  smell these underarms, feaces,  pee, vomit, blood, , etc… smells that many of them have been “filling the air” by NOT  having been able to find any shower nor  other clothes than the ones that they ahve been wearing for days and days….
There is not a day – practically not anyway! – in my 5 days a week’s schedule that I do not get there on the streets or do greet at the community center battered women, children and  men, who all have been abused either just once or very repeatedly by their spouses or – in the case of battered / beaten children, by their parents, step-parents  of – very often now – nannies and babysitters alike…
There, I always have to – with the help of the nurse who works full time at the community center – check them out to see if they do not have any broken bones, etc…
In the case of drug addicts, I always  have to contact the proper people to get them – if what they are addicted to is heroin – methadone, for them NOT  to go insane  if they have no heroin to use, no matter if they snort it, smoke it or inject it in their veins or directly in their brains.
  (YES, some people DO inject DIRECTLY in their heads now…, as their veins do not and will not “respond” any longer, from having used these veins way too much and way too often).
We do not have – like Vancouver (British Columbia) or Montreal (Quebec) places that can get addicts “fresh, clean and brand new (never used before) needles for them to inject, which means that MOST of them dohave either – OR BOTH – HIV (of full blown AIDS, either…) or / and hepatoitis A, B C, etc…due to their ungoing use of dirty needles, which – unfortunately – are already infected with some kind of disease like 8 times out of 10, and very filthy and dirty, and sometimes even BROKEN…
(I wish we did though, as I have ALWAYS been in favour at 100% of these kind of places for addicts to go to and to be at for “clean shooting”.)
PREVENTION IS  THE KEY FIRST, BUT WHEN IT IS TOO LATE, WHEN AN ADDICT IS USING DRUGS, PREVENTION IS …. COMPLETELY USELESS
Still, an addict IS an addict, even if there is a crack or even very small hole   in a needle, he /she will use this particular needle if there is NO OTHER NEEDLE to use that is…
So, yes, I AM  a shrink, a nurse, etc…
I do it all in there…
THAT IS THE JOB OF ANY SOCIAL WORKER… I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS…
DAY AFTER DAY…
When I’m NOT at work, do MANY “outside of my work hours” activities for the needy people of my community, and – at times – I’m also either being interviewed or doing reports on local TV stations, which are – most of the time – being retransmitted all throughout Canada on French-speaking TV stations.
(No, I’ve NEVER done anything in English for TV just yet…).

My 1976 gang rape (on this coming October 29th – it will be the “36th “anniversary” of it in just a few days, right after Keith’s 45th birthday on October 26th)   these – so far – 14 years of being told “NO” every single time (except for just one single time, really, but that one time, it was COMPLETELY NOT INVOLVING ANY SHOWBUSINESS RELATED PERSONS, and those who could – at that one single time – would have make me meet with him ALONE just as I have ALWAYS asked (I will NEVER  accept

ANYTHING ELSE

  than this anyway,, due tot he reason WHY I have to meet with him) in order to  – as you all know – thank him for my life and for my sobriety from my past 15 years of drug use are reasons why I have already attended to end my life, and this…

MORE THAN ONCE…
MANY  MANY TIMES as a matter of fact…
One way or another…
But since I have NEVER  been able to die and STOP  my pain, I decided to throw myself in my being a social worker instead…
DO NOT WORRY, MY PAIN IS STILL VERY MUCH THERE, DAY AFTER DAY…
But for the time being – there is nothing that I can do about  meeting Keith…
Next year, it will be SO VERY DIFFERENT however, but I will never mention who can and will help me…I’m currently saving the money for this.
But GOOD – HEARTED, KIND – HEARTED  AND SO VERY  HUMANE people will help me out as best as they can in order to achieve my goal…
For them, it is NOT that hard to do, after all…
Believe me…
But with the kind of work that I do as a social worker, I do see SO SO MUCH MISERY , the rape victims and battered people ALWAYS  remind me of my very own rape, being battered SE VERY SEVERELY  then and left for dead, the drug addicts that I do see and help there ALWAYS make me want to go back to using in order to STOP my very own pain and suffering , etc…
And the times that I have to assist these people either in Court or at hospitals are COUNTLESS…
Now comes the tragic story of fellow Canadian Amanda Todd, who – at the age of only 15 have killed herself – due to bullying – on last Wednesday, October 10th,  (2012) there in British Columbia.
If you want to “TALK SIMILARITIES”  with what I’ve been experiencing for the past 14 years, with the 100 or even more people that I have asked (so far that is) to meet with Keith is – when you think about it – with ANY case of bullying, practically aalike…
BULLYING IS WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DO PUT ANY KIND, WETHER IT IS VERBAL OR / AND PHYSICAL ABUSE ON YOU, BECAUSE OF ANYTHING…
SKIN COLOR, RELIGION, POLITICAL VIEWS, THE WAY YOU LOOK,  IF YOU’RE TOO GOOD LOOKING, TOO UGLY, TOO THIN, TOO FAT,  TOO SMALL, TOO TALL, ANYTHING   IS GOOD FOR ONE TO BE BULLIED…
In my very case, all these 14 years of REJETIONS AND REFUSALS are because everyone (except for that only one time) is afraid of REPERCUSSIONS coming from Keith’s official  people.
(READ: “ PRE- Borman Entertainement period”   (when Keith had still NOT signed up with them just yet, so from 1998 to 2002) and  CURRENT Borman Entertainement  PERIOD( ” (when he signed with them in 2002, until now and (most unfrtunatly) the years to come. )
(As I’ve mentionned before ,  Keith is STUCK with all of them , can NOT leave them (even if he wanted to that is, which I’m VERY SURE that he does!) (Borman Entertainement, PFA Media, and  Creative Artist Agency that is), but for legal reasons, I can NOT  mention  THE UNIQUE REASON  why he can not leave them, but it is – still – QUITE EASY    to figure out if you know your “Keith history 101″ as well as any huge fan of his, let’s say…)

KEITH’S RECORD COMPANY, CAPITOL NASHVILLE IS NOT INVOLVED AT ALL  IN THESE BAD TREATMENTS DONE TO HIS FANS…

(I JUST WANTED TO POINT THIS OUT).

In my very own case, ALL  (except for that one time that is, I repeat) of these 100 and more refusald and rejections are done by people who do tell me “NO”, and – for them -” the book is then closed FOR GOOD”, they ALL VERY QUICKLY THEN FORGET ABOUT ME AND ABOUT MY REQUEST  and pass on to OTHER THINGS…
PERIOD.
But for ME, all  these “NO” ‘s   re – one by one – one more slap in my face every single time…
For THEM ALL, “the book is closed up” after having told me no.
For me, my book is  NOT  closed  AT ALL … it is bleeding A LITTLE MORE than the previous time, each single time, one NO after the other…
EVERY SINGLE REJECTION  and  EVERY SINGLE REFUSAL  that I do get and have been getting ever since 1998 makes me HURT A LITTLE MORE THAN THE LAST IME, AND THIS – EVERY SINGLE TIME THAN ANOTHER “NO” DO COME IN…
Since all of my ordeal with Borman Entertainement and their affiliates last year, I will not lie to you (I NEVER LIE ANYWAY) – I’ve only tried once, with a very well known and respected charity organisation for which I did contribute for them to be able to raise around $2,000 (us currency) that is.
Before giving all what I had to give them, they had told me that they could not help out at all…
They said that  would ABSOLUTELY  had to contact his Managment company (so, Borman Entertainement – in Nashville) , and when I did explain to them how they treated the fans, they told me that they did NOT know, but – at least – they ALL were seeing that I was telling them the COMPLETE TRUTH about how his official people were (and still are ad will ALWAYS be for that matter!), and they believed me at 100 % with all of whatI was telling them……
I am – still   VERY GRATEFUL to see that these people at that charity organisation  – indeed – DID believe me at 100% with what I was telling them.
But I really thought that they would at least TRY to help me out after all the things that I sent out either to be sold or auctionned.
The only reply that I got – after this – was:
“Nothing has changed, we can not help you, we had told you before Sylvie that we could NOT do ANYTHING about your request”.
.
PERIOD.
Still, they will VERY GLADLY accept EVERY SINGLE CENT out of that sell or auction…”…
They. OBVIOUSLY –  just did NOT  want to be bothered, that is WHY  none of them even TRIED to contact Keith DIRECTLY  (they could if they wanted to, believe me! It would have been VERY EASY for them to do so if they REALLY would have tried… (Even if they will claim the opposite – it is a well known charity after all, been there for TONS OF YEARS, dealing with ALL KINDS OF CELEBRITIES, and other people also…ALL THE TIME…
These people at that charity organisation were 0:ike everybody else!) – VERY AFRAID  of repercussions from Keith’s official people, them too, like everyone else.. indeed…
I mean, even a blind person could have “seen” how SO VERY AFRAID they all were to even TRY to “make a move” and  at least TRY  to help me out with my request…
But I do not care about these people, I did send out the things to be either sold or auctionned FOR WHAT THIS CHAIRTY is all about…
If the money then can help out, well BE IT…
I am glad I will have been able to help out…
I never gave all this to meet with Keith, but still, after all, $1960 is NOT  a “small thing” to be given away, and even more when it is coming from another country (this charity is in the Untied States, I’m up here in Canada).
So –   YES     – there are various kinds of bullying….
What i have personally experienced ever since 1998 is….
 TRUE BULLYING…
Simply because it…
HURTS….
It HURTS as EVER POSSIBLE than this can not be felt, explained or felt by ANYONE who has NOT experienced what I’ve been experiencing…
For 14 years now…
Sylvie, 53 years old.
NOW, ON TO AMANDA TOOD’S TRAGIC STORY AND DEATH…
 

Amanda Todd’s ongoing battle with bullies

THE BEGINNING: On Sept. 7, 2012, 15-year-old Amanda Todd posted a video on YouTube documenting her battle with cyber-bullies, dating back to Grade 7. She said she wanted to help other young people.

LURED ONLINE: She was convinced by someone believed to be an online pedophile to flash him. The photo was later circulated to her relatives, friends and schoolmates.

FALLING INTO DEPRESSION: Amanda said the incident led to her being shunned at school, and left her feeling alone, depressed and suicidal.

ACTING OUT: In an attempt to deal with her feelings, Amanda said she turned to drugs and alcohol. She later started cutting herself. At the end of the video, she shows the scars on her arms.

CONFLICTS AT SCHOOL: Amanda switched schools, but the cyber-bully shared the images again. She was confronted by a group of teens at her new school and beaten up. She said she went home and drank bleach, while kids hounded her online.

FINAL ACT: On Wednesday, Oct. 10, Amanda took her own life. The RCMP said Friday it has launched an investigation into the circumstances that led to her death.

Amanda Todd’s mom speaks out about daughter’s death

Teen made a YouTube video about the harassment that eventually led to her taking her own life

Amanda Todd’s mother Carol Todd says she wants to help parents of other bullied children.

Amanda Todd’s mother, Carol Todd, doesn’t want other children to suffer as her daughter did — stalked and harassed by bullies in cyberspace and in the schoolyard, by people she knew and by stalkers many miles away.

Amanda told her story in the heart-wrenching video that chronicled her nightmare: the taunts, the beating, the cyber-stalker who tracked her down whenever she tried to start afresh at a new school — firing off images that captured her showing off her young body, flattered by online attention from someone she thought was a kid just like her.

Amanda killed herself this week, one month shy of her 16th birthday and one month after telling the world through a YouTube video of bullying that left her depressed and despairing.

 

Now Carol wants to tell her story. It is a story no mother wants to tell.

“Amanda was a very caring individual. She would help others who needed help,” Carol told The Vancouver Sun during an exclusive interview Friday at her home, where she was surrounded by friends and family. “One of Amanda’s goals was to get her message out there and have it used as a learning tool for others.”

As a teacher in the Coquitlam school district and a specialist in assistive technologies, Carol is comfortable around computers and knows well the dangers the online world can hold. Still, she wasn’t able to protect her child.

“I have lost one child, but know she wanted her story to save 1,000 more.”

Amanda was 12 years old when she made a mistake that would haunt her until her death three years later.

Her ordeal started while she was fooling around online with friends. She probably didn’t think it was risky behaviour when she lifted her top to flash the person who was flattering her at the other end of the webcam.

Amanda’s moment of indiscretion was not unusual for someone her age: Sexting and using webcams to share sexual photos is a growing trend among children, some so young they are still in grade school.

“The Internet stalker she flashed kept stalking her,” said Carol. “Every time she moved schools he would go undercover and become a Facebook friend. What the guy did was he went online to the kids who went to (the new school) and said that he was going to be a new student — that he was starting school the following week and that he wanted some friends and could they friend him on Facebook.”

“He eventually gathered people’s names and sent Amanda’s video to her new school.”

The video and photos went to teachers, to parents, to Facebook friends, which lead to repeated taunts: “Oh, there’s the porn star.”

“It increased her anxiety and she couldn’t go to class,” Carol said.

In putting together her video, which Amanda did on her own, Carol said her daughter wanted to help other young people who are being bullied and to bring attention and education to the problem in the hope of seeing it eradicated.

“Amanda wanted to tell her story to help other kids. I want to tell my story to help parents, so they can be aware, so they can teach their kids what is right and wrong and how to be safe online,” she said. “Kids have iPads, they have smartphones, technology is much more accessible than it was even five years ago — that is the dangerous factor.”

When Amanda’s story and video went viral this week, the outpouring of grief from local teens left Carol unable to distinguish Amanda’s true friends from those who may have helped drive her to suicide.

Carol has launched a trust fund in Amanda’s memory to raise money for anti-bullying awareness education and for support programs for youth with mental health issues.

Amanda was the victim of unrelenting blackmail. And the cyberspace stalker was aided by people in Amanda’s real-world life — kids who would share the photos on their cellphones, kids who would gang up to hurl first verbal abuse and then fists at her.

“Everything she said in the video happened over the past two years,” said Carol. “It was horrendous. I think about it now and I think, ‘Oh my God. How did she survive this long with the pain?’ ”

The end, when it came, was a shock. Despite Amanda’s earlier suicide attempts, Carol said in recent days and weeks she was getting much better. She spent time in hospital in September, getting treatment and counselling.

Her life was starting to return to normal, which it hadn’t been since grade 8.

“She felt like a normal teenager, she was so proud of herself,” said Carol. “She went out with friends, she went to the mall, she said to me, ‘Mom, this is the first time that I feel normal again. I have had the best day ever.’”

Carol doesn’t know what caused her daughter’s setback, but Amanda may have given Carol an answer in a private video.

“She left me a video message on her phone. I’m not ready to look at it yet,” said Carol.

“The coroner has told me it will provide closure for me but I can’t look at it yet.”

Carol doesn’t know what happened, but sometime earlier this week — before Amanda killed herself late Wednesday afternoon — something happened to shatter that fragile recovery.

The police have been unable to track her stalker down. “The police investigated and investigated, it got traced to somebody in the United States,” said Carol. “But they never found him. Those people are very good at hiding their tracks.” The suspected pedophile threatened that if she didn’t do a show for him, he would circulate her pictures again. Amanda wouldn’t bow to the pressure and he carried out his threat.

Finger-pointing at schools for not stopping bullying only angers Carol. She said Amanda, who had learning problems, had excellent support in the Coquitlam school district, where Amanda spent most of her school time.

Since March, she was a student at CABE, Coquitlam Alternate Basic Education secondary school, which is a haven for youth who, for whatever reason, need the alternative learning situation.

It was there that Amanda made friends, among both the students and staff.

“She had a good support network there,” said Carol. Among the teachers Amanda especially liked was former Olympic track and field star Leah Pells, who teaches physical education at the school. “She and Amanda clicked and Amanda trusted her,” said Carol.

Carol is much more tech savvy than the average parent.

But Amanda’s victimization at the hands of the stalker led Carol to learn more about the horrifying world of child pornography, where some victims don’t even know their images are being shown on porn sites.

“You’ll see pornography and the girls are so young,” she said.

“I don’t know if the girls are doing this for kicks, if their parents are monitoring it or if they even know about it.

The Amanda Todd trust fund is being held at the Royal Bank of Canada, which will be accepting donations in Amanda’s name at all its branches.

SourceL The Vancouver Sun – October 12th – 2012.

gshaw@vancouversun.com

FOR BOTH ARTICLES.

IF ANYONE THAT YOU KNOW IS A VICTIM OF BULLYING, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE AND HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY.
DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE ONE WHO IS BEING BULLIED KILLES HIMSELF /HERSELF…
Prayers for all bullied victims…
Sylvie  in Southern Quebec, Canada
AMANDA TODD’S VIDEO – BEGGING FOR HELP…
BEFORE IT BECAME TOO LATE FOR HER…

Amanda’s funerals were held earlier today, Saturday, October 13th in British Columbia.

I ALSO GOT A COPY OF KEITH’S AUTOGRAPH WITH THE  WORD “SOBRIETY” TATTOOED ON MY RIGHT ARM.

I CAN NOT SEPARATE THE 2 .

NEVER WAS ABLE TO, AND I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO NEITHER.

IT IS LOCATED EXACTLY AT THE VERY SAME SPOT THAN WHERE KEITH HAS HIS “NICOLE” TATOO.

I ALBSOLUTELY WANTED FOR HIS NAME TO BE THERE – AT THE VERY SAME PLACE THAN WHERE HE HAS “NICOLE” TATTOO.

It is a real shame  and so very sad  to see that those of us who REALLY DO  SUFFER have to have pictures of ourselves  taken showing our pain, sorrow and sheer misery, we have to write messages in order for you- the readers – to know how we feel and how we are (miserable, really…) , make videos of ourselves  showing dispair, screaming, crying, etc…, etc… for other people to   BELIEVE our  pain and suffering.
Unfortunately, 9 people out of 10 will NOT  believe  the one who is suffering, nor take him / her seriously …
Once the one who suffers commits suicide, in order to STOP THE PAIN  , some people (and I do say SOME !) may talk about it for a few days, then – it will all be forgotten…
They will….
“CLOSE THE BOOKS”
FOREVER…

About hereisthelatestbysylvie

As a long time recovered drug addict, I do help others currnet and abstinent addicts to obtain a better way of life. I give back the help that I've recieved int he past, and that I'm still reieving from my social workers. I'm also a 30 plus veterant for animals' rights and I try my very best to maintain a vegan way of life. in food and in what I buy.
This entry was posted in Stories from a recovered drug addict who - like many others - have Keith Urban to thank for for her sobriety. For a different look on life - without any drug abuse - and for a different, serious "non-. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to WHY DIDN’T I SUCCEED IN KILLING MYSELF DUE TO ALL THE MISERY THAT I DO SEE AT WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY, A DAY IN MY LIFE AS A SOCIAL WORKER…AND IN MEMORIAM…AMANDA TODD, LATEST VICTIM OF BULLYING – HER SIMILIRATIES WITH MY VERY OWN 14 YEARS (SO FAR ANYWAY!) OF PERSONAL BULLYING…

  1. I watched the video the other day such a sad story..We do need to stop the bulling for everyone..Hang in there doing all you do.. Your day will come.. BIG MONKEY HUGS!! xoxoxo

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